I have been in a serious struggle lately. It hasn’t been with a friend, spouse, or child. No, this struggle has been within me. Have you had times when you did battle with yourself? It is like the part in Romans 7:19 that says the good I want, I don’t do. Well, these last couple of weeks that war has raged in me. I think I know what is right but have tried every which way to escape it.
I have sat in the quiet of the night trying to figure out what to do. I would think of this solution then discard it for another more plausible one.
Finally, I went to God. Threw my hands in the air and surrendered. I “said” that I was giving this whole situation to the LORD. I wanted things to work out the way I wanted them to work out. So I am not sure if I was pretending to surrender or what. Since at night I still was working all the angles. I thought perhaps God might need my suggestions on how this should work. So I kept up the dialogue and all my wonderful ideas.
I have just recently come to the conclusion that God is for me! He has a plan for my life and he has had that plan since before I was. I am very sure he doesn’t need my advice on how to complete it. I have become very honest with him since he knows my heart and my wayward mind. I confessed that I had tried to manipulate the outcome. I confessed that I was trying to think of all the ways I could change things if they didn’t go my way. (Oh, when I say this out loud it sounds very devious and underhanded.) (maybe I need to confess this also). I know that we are fighting a spiritual war in the battleground of the mind. I get it now.
I have asked that God would be my shield against all those “take over” thoughts. The most amazing thing has happened. My mind has been either shut off on this subject or the volume is so low that I can no longer hear the taunting thoughts. The words in Micah are so very true, God does delight in showing us his UNFAILING LOVE. Even if I am not so loving, or oh so bossy, or even when I want my own way, He delights in showing me how his love is unfailing.
Do you struggle with trying to manipulate God. He knows your needs and your wants. Be perfectly honest with him and allow him to delight in showing his great love just for you.
What a God we serve!